Shine 55 Coaching & Consulting Blog

When recruiting a new member to your team, how many times have you read CVs that state the candidate is ‘outcome-focused’ or ‘goal oriented’? You may have it in your own CV. It’s a good thing, right??? Setting goals helps trigger new behaviours, helps guide your focus and encourages you to sustain momentum in life. After all, you can’t manage what you don’t measure, and you can’t improve on something that you don’t properly manage. Setting goals can be highly motivational as well as improving our mental health and our level of personal and professional success. The type of goal is important Over 1,000 studies have consistently shown that setting high and specific goals is linked to increased task performance, persistence, and motivation, compared to vague or easy goals (Locke and Latham, 2002, 2006). I can’t deny that I’m a little obsessive on goal setting. Every quarter, I set myself a small number of professional and personal goals (max 3-5), that I write in a little notebook (very retro for a digital advocate I know) and log progress against them. I’d love to tell you that every quarter it’s a 100% success against those goals, but that’s not the case. However, they serve to give me purpose, they help to keep me pushing forward, and encourage me to celebrate or at least acknowledge those successes or even just positive progress towards them. For someone who historically had a natural leaning towards a ‘cup half empty’ approach to life, this alone has been transformative. Relaxation is important According to Matt Killingsworth’s ‘Track Your Happiness’ Project, 47% of the time our mind is wandering. Alpha waves show up when our mind is wandering, which means we are relaxing. Brains can’t maintain focus without periods of relaxation. If you focus all of your time on your goals, you can miss really valuable information. Zachary Irving (2015) research found that having a free association thought process that randomly generates memories, and imaginative processes can lead to new ideas and insights. So, some time out is good too. The value of being present As someone who focuses a lot on goals, I know how challenging in can be sometimes to live in the moment. Most of our time is spent in the past or the future, rather than the present. What we end up doing is passing through the moment on the way to somewhere else, and as a result, we miss the moment. That’s how life ends up passing us by, we do it to ourselves. In many respects, thinking about the past can help us identify ways to avoid mistakes in the future, and thinking about the future can propel us forward with purpose, both great, but it can also cause problems. My son is regularly calling me out on not listening or only half listening. Now it has to be said there could be a whole chunk of menopausal memory loss and concentration challenge going on, being of a certain age that I am. This morning’s example: Me: Are you going into the office today? Son: No, mum, I told you yesterday that I was working at home today Me: Oh yes, of course Son: So why am I working at home today, mum? Me: Wild panic starts to kick in, I start to throw out random guesses as I have no recollection at all Son: Walks off, eyes rolling to the top of his head. On the positive he doesn’t hold grudges 😊 Menopause memory challenges aside, I know that on occasions I find it hard to remain present. When I am present, it’s always a better outcome. It makes you a better listener. You’ll appreciate what’s around you and let yourself have fun. It can have a profound effect on your mental health, by decreasing stress and abrupt changes in your mood because you have more control over your thoughts. Plus, it helps us absorb more knowledge and improve our skills. When you’re present, you aren’t dwelling on past failures in a negative way or paralysed by the fear of what might happen in the future. How to remain present - the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique Aside from all the well-trodden paths of breathing exercises, pausing social media, getting out in nature as means of increasing your focus on being present, one simple technique that I love is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique… Take a moment to pause and name: · 5 things you can see around you · 4 things you can touch or feel · 3 distinct sounds you can hear · 2 things you can smell · And finally, 1 thing you can taste This exercise really helps to ground you in your surroundings and appreciate the moment.

According to a study by psychologist Joyce Brothers “ women who are confident of their abilities are more likely to succeed than those who lack confidence, even though the latter may be much more competent and talented and industrious .” Whilst the research was specifically based on women, we can assume that the principle applies universally. So why not give yourself the best opportunity of success by excelling in your performance AND creating a confident impression, even when you may not feel it inside. Tone of voice, body language, and what you wear are all well-known contributors to creating a positive impression. For the purpose of this blog let’s assume your knowledge and expertise are a given, so we can focus on words. Here’s a personal experience for you. This morning, I was following up on an email exchange I’d had a couple of weeks ago with a prospective coaching client. Initially I started the email with ‘I just wanted to check in.’ Aside from my own eyes rolling at the phrase ‘check in,’ it quickly dawned on me that I was setting myself up to fail. I may as well have said ‘I’m so sorry I’m taking up your valuable time and that I have no confidence that I will add value to your day.’ By using the word ‘just’ I am automatically devaluing or downplaying the value of what I am saying. It can confuse your audience about the point you’re making or how strong your opinion is. Other phrases that fall into the tentative language camp are ‘can I just,’ ‘I’m not sure if,’ ‘I’m no expert but?’ In 29 research studies, women are more likely to use tentative language. To erase all element of doubt, I am not in the camp of strong language being good and weak/tentative language being bad. Tentative phrases have their place when used wisely. Finishing a sentence with ‘don’t you think’ or isn’t it’ may be perfectly appropriate when seeking a collaborative approach or ‘polling’ views to a suggestion you’re raising. It’s a valuable way of expressing interpersonal sensitivity, an important strength in leadership. What I am saying is that every word counts if you want to convey confidence. How to stop poor language sabotaging your success: 1 - Take a breath and count to 3 Nerves get the better of everyone at some point; your heart is racing, your body temperature is rising, and a mist of uncertainty starts to wash over you. Take a breath and count to 3. It may feel a lifetime to you, but rest assured your listeners will barely notice it, and it provides valuable time to construct a strong sentence, see tip 2 below. The ability to be calm through silence projects confidence, and stops filler words like ‘um’ or ‘oh’ creeping in. 2 - Create certainty Phrases such as ‘I think,’ ‘I feel’ and ‘I believe’ convey a deep level of sensitivity, but if overused they can spill over into situations where caution is unnecessary. Switch from a conditional state to a declarative stance by using these examples: From: I think/I believe/I feel To: I am confident that/I expect to/I am certain that/I am convinced 3 - Less is more The importance of brevity isn’t new news I’m sure, but did you know that only 20-28% of words get read/absorbed? If your audience is having to work too hard to identify key points, your message won’t land. Ensure your ask/killer fact is on the table from the outset. Everyone’s busy so pique their interest from the outset. 4 - 'Because' is a powerful word I normally focus on recent research but this study from Ellen Langar at Harvard in 1978 is a classic. Back in the day, photocopiers were an essential piece of kit in any office environment often resulting in queues of people waiting to use them. Researchers asked people to use one of 3 differently worded requests to get them to the front of the line: 1. Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the photocopier? 2. Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the photocopier because I have to make copies? 3. Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the photocopier because I’m in a rush? Using the word ‘because’ ensured that over 90% of people got to move to the front of the line, versus 60% for phrase 1. What is surprising is that even when the rationale for going to the front of the line was weak e.g. phrase 2 - because I have to make copies, it still had a positive impact, 93% of people were successful with phrase 2 versus 94% for phrase 3. 5 - Be yourself Remember your personal brand, be yourself, and communicate in a way that you can stand behind. If you start trotting out hackneyed phrases (cue ‘checking in’) or you come across as a different person in every situation, you become memorable for the wrong reasons.  And finally, practice makes perfect. Whilst it may seem a lot to take on board every time you communicate, over time, these 5 tips will become second nature. Keep practising!

This may sound like the start of a corny joke, but it's a real question, to which the answer may be surprising, a weakness is often a strength in plain sight. Bear with me... According to Robert Louis Stevenson: ‘You cannot run away from weakness; you might sometime fight it out or perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?’ So today, I invite you to face into your weaknesses. You can’t let go of something if you don’t notice that you’re holding onto it. Admit your ‘weakness’ and find the positive place this can take you to. Let’s get started! 1 - Find your weakness Don’t go overboard thinking about an extensive list, this could be a tad depressing. Focus on the top 3 thoughts that sprint to mind. Remember, this is a positive action in its own right! You’re being brave by just writing these down or saying them aloud, and you’re demonstrating self-awareness. Well done you! 2 - Examine the weakness What are the facts that demonstrate it’s a weakness? This is important, as you may find there’s no relevant/noteworthy evidence at all. It could be rooted in an event many years ago, that you’ve hung onto. It could be that it only happens in certain circumstances, examine what these are. It could be that someone told you that it’s a weakness. What might be their motivator be for saying this? Could they feel threatened by it, or that it’s a strength that they don’t like, or are envious of? What is the counter evidence? This scrutiny will help debunk negative beliefs that you’ve inadvertently attributed to yourself, keep the weakness in perspective, or may even result in you crossing it off your list. 3 - Where DOESN'T the weakness exist? Let’s use an example weakness often cited at interviews, being too detail oriented. Flip that on its head and identify situations where you are less focused on detail. What are the attributes of this situation? By asking yourself questions to understand why it’s so different in one area of your life versus another, will help you identify strategies and tools that can help you change and achieve more. Write every option down, however small, or even ridiculous some of them may seem. If you’ve felt that your weaknesses have been holding you back for years, then it makes sense that you may assume it’s impossible to change. Don’t limit yourself by assuming your first idea will solve it. Overthinking can be one of the biggest barriers to finding solutions. 4 - What motivates you? Find what truly motivates you, and however big an obstacle your fear seems, you will overcome it. For me, my desire to become a qualified executive coach was so strong, that it made my fear of embracing academia in my 50s a small price to pay. In fact, the 14mths of studying, practising, and being constantly evaluated, turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. 5 - Act now Life gets busy, right? Do you tend to procrastinate? It’s important to decide on the best way to hold yourself accountable for taking action. Often this is as simple as telling someone else you are taking action, or think about an imaginary boss, would they be happy with the progress you’re making? Going back to where this blog first started, a weakness is often a strength in plain sight, I want to share one final personal experience with you to bring this to life. In my executive career, I sometimes found myself on the receiving end of feedback around being too sensitive or taking things too personally. I found this infuriating and was determined to work through this, see my blog on resilience - https://www.shine55.co.uk/leadership-resilience-culture-and-diy ). However, what I eventually came to appreciate is that honing that ability to sense what other people are experiencing, is an enormously valuable attribute of an executive coach, a strength hiding in plain sight!

Have you completed you/your team's annual performance reviews or maybe in the midst of them now? According to a study of 81,000 performance evaluations, for every 2 positive words used to describe a female leader, there were 5 used to describe male leaders. Plus, there were only 2 negative descriptors that came up frequently for men, in contrast to 12 for women. Research has also shown that women are more likely to receive vague or conflicting feedback, not connected to objectives or business outcomes. Irritating at best, infuriating if we're being honest. As we all know, diversity in its broadest sense is vital for organisational success. That said, how do we as women give ourselves, our teams, and our organisations the best chance of success? According to some of the world's most successful female leaders, there are 9 Leadership Traits they focus on. Here's a great checklist for performance reviews or CPD plans for the year ahead: 1 - Be open-minded Ask insightful questions of others and yourself, to see a situation from all angles before jumping in. 2 - Approach problems from a macro AND micro level Start big picture but then break the situation down to see what’s really going on underneath the surface. 3 - Trust your gut Sometimes the most important voice is your own. The combination of being open-minded, approaching problems from a macro and micro level and trusting your gut is a powerful one. 4 - Step outside your comfort zone Great leaders are more likely to take some chances that make them uneasy. This is how you’ll achieve some of your greatest successes and learnings. Don’t run away from your fears, run towards them, over and over again! 5 - Take responsibility Accept the consequences of your actions….but don’t be the scape goat for others! 6 - Find opportunities for improvement I 'll caveat this by saying 'but don't lose sight of the great things you achieve either!' Make sure to push for fact-based feedback that you can act on. 7 - Be mindful Take a short amount of time out every day for introspection. 8 - Treat everyone with respect You never know when your paths may cross again. 9 - Make equality a reality We’ve all got a role to play, so don’t just spectate, lead the way on diversity.

Life isn't always full of rainbows and unicorns... Inevitably there are those body blows that are sent to try us, or a sequence of disappointment/problems AND THEN TO TOP IT ALL you drop your glove in a puddle….the world is against you……you lose perspective ……and shout, swear, cry, or throw something (select as appropriate). We’ve all experienced it, haven’t we? I'd love to be the bearer of great news and say I'm going to share one tip that eradicates the blues. Regrettably, that isn't going to happen but what I am going to share is a short daily routine that is based around the 4 brain chemicals that create happiness: Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphins, as an acronym, DOSE! I can't help myself, an acronym gives me happiness! Step 1 - Positive affirmations Neuroscience tells us that if you train your mind to look for positives first, this is what you will see and ultimately create. One way to do this is to start the day with positive affirmations, examples could be ‘I can succeed, I will succeed’ or ‘I’m surrounded by people who care’ or ‘today is going to be a great day, filled with joy.’ Keep them punchy, don’t have too many, ensure they’re meaningful to you and say them aloud when you first wake up, and periodically throughout the day. It’s essential that you do this regularly, and not just when you’re having a difficult day - that won’t work. Now this may all sound a bit flaky (I can’t deny I started as a cynic), but it works. There is MRI evidence suggesting that certain neural pathways are increased when people practice self-affirmation tasks (Cascio et al., 2016). If you want to be really specific, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex—involved in positive valuation and self-related information processing—becomes more active when we consider our personal values (Falk et al., 2015; Cascio et al., 2016). When we choose to practice positive affirmations, we’re better able to view “otherwise-threatening information as more self-relevant and valuable” This plays out in your career too. Barbara Frederickson’s research shows that high-performing teams use at least a 3:1 ratio of positive messages as opposed to negative ones. Marcial Losada and Emily Heaphy, who studied the impact of team conversations, calculate that the ratio of positive versus negative interactions in high-performing teams is even higher at 6:1. Step 2 - Create little moments of satisfaction Dopamine creates that little feeling of satisfaction or joy when you tick something off your task list, or someone likes your LinkedIn post, or you start a new positive habit. It won’t change your world or have long lasting effects, but it gives that little fleeting buzz that helps a day be better. Make sure that each day you pop a few activities like this into your schedule. Step 3 - Get social Oxytocin is sometimes known as ‘the hugging drug’ because it’s released by the brain during physical contact with others, and it’s also the feeling behind love, friendship, or deep trust. It’s proven to boost our immune systems, makes us better problem solvers, and gives us lasting feelings of calm and safety. Positive social interaction whether that’s physical, catching up over a coffee, just chatting on the phone or opening up emotionally is a win-win as it should deliver a little oxytocin to both you and the person you spend time with – how kind! Step 4 - Those feet are made for walking The brain produces Serotonin in response to sun and daylight. As winter approaches, it starts getting darker much earlier in the day, which may affect your mood and make you more prone to sadness. Getting outside once a day in mid-day for a short work can be really beneficial. And finally... Step 5 - Push yourself Endorphins are essentially released in response to pain, helping us to push our bodies beyond their comfort level. Once you get beyond the pain part, endorphins feel like a ‘high’ or even just a nice, relaxed feeling. Take a 2min cold shower in the morning, and once you get beyond the initial physical discomfort, you can get a huge boost of endorphins. Alternatively, get yourself to the gym, go for a run, or even just power walk, whatever pushes you slightly beyond your comfort level will have a positive effect.

Letting off steam is good for the soul... Every now and then I ring the changes in my gym routine by trying a new class. Recently, 'Body Combat' piqued my interest: 'A high-energy martial arts-inspired workout, punch and kick your way to fitness. Perfect, great way to let off some steam I thought. I rock up for the class and it's busy! I make my way to the middle of the room and start with a few stretches. All good, I'm thinking...and then the music started. What the heck, musical martial-arts wasn't what I'd signed up for! To give some context, I have zero rhythm. I avoid dancing at all costs, and on those few occasions where I am morally obligated to dance, it's an excruciating 3 minutes of awkward shuffling, staring beseechingly at the bar/toilets as a means of escape. Zero rhythm in a Body Combat class manifested into 45 minutes of being consistently half a beat behind the music, going left when everyone went right, and high kicking when everyone else was throwing a hook punch. I came away with a banging headache from concentrating so hard. Week 2, I spent most of the class 'ranking' my performance against others. Week 3, I came up with acronyms as a failed attempt to recall the sequences. Week 4, I'm convinced I'm going to be removed from the class for being inadvertently disruptive. So what does this have to do with career momentum, you're thinking! Challenges facing women attempting career momentum are well-trailed across 3 themes INSTITUTIONAL MIND SET - Gender stereotypes, unconscious bias, expectations for women to role model typical male behaviour in order to succeed/fit in STRUCTURAL OBSTACLES - An abundance of mentoring, but much less senior sponsorship to help land those senior roles FAMILY CHOICES & SOCIETAL PRESSURE - Resulting in career sacrifices to support partners careers, children, keep households running etc On the positive, the world is changing... The amazing array of strengths that women bring to senior leadership are increasingly being recognised, valued and actively sought out. Fact: Harvard Business Review research based on 360-degree feedback assessments of 60,000 leaders showed that women consistently rated higher across 13 of the 19 leadership attributes, and routinely scored higher during crisis periods. However, one challenge continues to allude us - Individual Mind Set Women routinely downplay their contribution, taking the 'No I, in Team' to its extreme. According to McKinsey research, 70% of women rate themselves equal to their peers, whereas 70% of men rate themselves higher than their peers. 50% of women stated they consciously held themselves back from accelerated growth by failing to cultivate a senior sponsor, ruling themselves out for stretch roles, and being reticent to put themselves forward for 'career building' projects. Back to my humiliating Body Combat experience for a moment as you may have wondered where this was heading. The barrier to my success (and enjoyment) was that I was too much in my own head, sabotaging both my own enjoyment, success as well as banging into other class members. Week 5 (this week) has been a crazy busy week, I've had no free brain space to catastrophise the impending Body Combat experience or to over engineer tactics, so I just went in and gave it my best shot, cheery to have some time away from Zoom/meetings etc. Whilst it remains clear, Darcy Bussell or Michelle Yeoh I am not, I hit the beat at least 50% of the time, burnt of a million calories (in my head) and enthusiastically whooped and high-fived with my fellow gym bunnies celebrating the end of the class. So, the message of story is to achieve success, try to get out of your head and into your heart, you'll be amazed how powerful this can be.

Is your answer 'Yes' to any of these statements? I feel as though I've been in the same role/sector for too long I'm heading back to work after a break I have the opportunity to take voluntary redundancy/at risk of redundancy I've recently experienced a major change in my personal life I want more control over my career going forward The good news is that all of these present opportunities to reset and realign with who you are now, and what you want from your career going forwards. On average the UK adult spends 84,000 hours at work in their lifetime, so getting off the hamster wheel and reflecting on what you really want from your career, is time well spent. Are your beliefs limiting your career options? When you've reached the dizzy heights of senior leadership, it can be difficult to throw off the shackles of limited thinking when it comes to your career. Some options may seem unattractive because of existing personal/financial commitments....Have you lost your ambition if you stay in your current role or move sideways? There's nothing else out there that makes better use of your skills and experience. The fear of failure is overwhelming. These are all commonly held beliefs that can limit your career options. Some facts for you: Almost a third of UK workers considered moving to a new role last year Employers anticipate a structural labour churn of 23% of jobs in the next 5yrs, with job growth of 69m new types of roles worldwide (primarily in tech, digitalisation and sustainability), and a decline of 83m existing jobs. (Source: World Economic Forum 2023 Future of Jobs Report) 79% of women and 62% of men state lack of confidence compromises their ability to make career changes As a somewhat obsessive planner, you expect me to launch into a rallying call for everyone to create a 10yr career plan, but you'd be wrong. What I do believe in is: Focus on what you love Create or seize opportunities Learn from failure...or as Thomas Edison said 'I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work And ultimately, focus your energy on what's right in front of you, it's what you learn and contribute, and who you meet along the way, that matter the most. My SUDS model - don't you love an acronym?! That all sounds simple doesn't it, but where to start? One approach I've found is a helpful starting point is what I call the SUDS model. No, I'm not suggesting that now is the time to hit the washing up, what I am suggesting is that there are 4 options to explore: SAME or SIDEWAYS - How can you be more successful and/or achieve a greater sense of wellbeing from your current role or a sideways move? UP - What will it take to reach the next rung on the ladder, at your current organisation or somewhere else? DOWN - Do you miss getting your hands dirty making use of the technical skills that helped you rise through the ranks in the earlier days of your career? Or has a step down been imposed on you, and you're wrestling with how this makes you feel? SWITCH - Switching career can be the most exciting or daunting option, depending on your mindset. Exploring your beliefs about these options can be a great way to identify what's going to work for you.

Have you been told in your career ‘you just need to toughen up’ or ‘you care too much’ or ‘you take things too personally? There are 2 ways to think about this...