by Nikki Marsh
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13 August 2024
Do you find it hard to say No? We’ve all been there—grappling with the willpower to turn down that extra glass of wine or resist the temptation of a delicious dessert. But when it comes to the workplace, how often do you find it to say "No"? This challenge is a recurring theme with some of my executive coaching clients. Whether you are just starting out or an experienced C-suite executive, it can be a struggle to break the habit of saying "Yes" to every request that comes your way. Consider these all-too-familiar scenarios: You’d be doing me a massive favour if you could take this on for me. We need someone to champion this, and I know you’d be great at it. I realise you’re swamped, but this is REALLY important. There’s an awkward silence in the meeting, and you break it by saying, “I’ll do it. You think to yourself, “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.” If these situations resonate with you, you’re not alone. While being helpful and accommodating can be strengths, overextending yourself can lead to burnout, decreased job satisfaction, and a lack of focus on your strategic priorities. The Impact of Saying Yes Too Often Saying "Yes" to everything might feel like the path of least resistance, but it can have significant consequences. You might find yourself overwhelmed with tasks that don’t align with your values or goals, or you might constantly sacrifice personal time, leading to stress and exhaustion. This not only affects your well-being but also diminishes your overall productivity and effectiveness at work. But let’s be clear—I’m not advocating for a blanket refusal of all requests. The key is to strike a balance that allows you to maintain your integrity, protect your time, and focus on what truly matters. The Helicopter Approach: A Strategy for Saying No If the thought of saying "No" fills you with dread, consider using what I call the "helicopter approach." This mental exercise can help you gain perspective and make more thoughtful decisions: Step Back and Reflect: Notice what you’re thinking, feeling, or experiencing in the moment. Pause and resist the urge to justify why you should say "Yes." Consider the Other Person’s Perspective: Imagine you’re the one making the request. What might you be thinking or feeling? Is the situation truly as urgent or dire as it seems? Will their world collapse if you say "No"? Observe as a Third Party: Visualise the situation from the perspective of an outsider. What do you see, hear, or think about this interaction? Give Yourself Advice from the Observer’s Perspective: What advice would this impartial observer give you? How do you feel about saying "Yes" now? This exercise helps you step out of your immediate emotional reaction and see the situation from different angles, often making it easier to assertively decline. A Lesson in Saying No: My Story Let me lighten the mood with a personal experience that illustrates the power of saying "No"—and how, often, the consequences are far less significant than we fear... I have an irrational fear of cows. Yes, cows. When I’m out hiking, I’ll go miles out of my way to avoid crossing a field full of these gentle giants. Just last week, I was on a beautiful hike when I encountered yet another field of cows with no way around it. I stood at the stile for what felt like an eternity, debating my options. A dog walker passed by and asked if I was okay. I joked, “Yes, of course, I’m just deciding whether to risk life and limb by going through this field.” Secretly, I hoped they’d offer to walk with me, but they just wished me “Good luck” and continued on. With no other choice, I decided to stick to the edges of the field, power-walking with one eye on the cows. But halfway across, they started running toward me—about 20 of them! I panicked, knowing I couldn’t outrun them, and with nowhere to hide. But then, something clicked. I turned to face them, adopted my best John Wayne stance, and shouted, “NO, NO, NO” with all the authority I could muster. To my amazement, they stopped in their tracks and sauntered off. I left that field half a stone lighter from the sweat and stress, but with a valuable lesson: while saying "No" can feel daunting, it’s often of little consequence to others. Conclusion: Embrace the Power of No The next time you’re faced with a difficult decision about whether to say "Yes" or "No," remember the cows. Often, the anxiety we feel about turning someone down is far greater than the actual impact of our decision. By using the helicopter approach and practicing assertiveness, reclaim your time and energy, focus on what truly matters, and ultimately achieve a more balanced and fulfilling professional life.